After Crunchy Frog received seven (7) consecutive lifetime bans from competing as a percussion ensemble in DCA, we realized it was either time to retire from I&E … or it was time to form a new DCA percussion ensemble.
Accordingly, with the assistance of two ex-KGB agents and Flavor Flav 7, we covertly formed Anthrax Ripple on an abandoned airfield in Prague. Then we quietly signed the previously unknown organization up for competition at the 2007 DCA World Championships.
Having no idea what we were up to, DCA let Anthrax Ripple in and designated the official performance time of 7:48 pm. The protests started immediately. This poster appeared all over the place in Rochester.
FUN FACT - To honor drum and bugle corps tradition, Anthrax Ripple had an honor guard. Ours consisted of two Twinkies, two Czech spies, and Ron.
Now, before anyone gets wound up about the whole Czech/Soviet/communist honor guard connection, please know this was years before Putin went crazy and tried to bring the USSR back into existence by force. Had we known that would happen, we would’ve formed Anthrax Ripple in Ukraine and started throwing rocks across the border in alliance with the Bushwackers. But that’s hindsight.
But know this — the strategic advantage to including Twinkies in the honor guard, is they can escort the monster through the crowd. Especially if one screams.
Once the monster was in place, it was safe for Flavor Flav 7 to introduce Anthrax Ripple to the crowd with his Bullhorn of Death, and a giant clock.
Which he did.
Then the DCA judges gave a nod and the actual percussion performance began.
Hard to believe, I know.
Everything went great for 25 seconds. Then the monster got distracted, which allowed a fucking tourist to wander into the middle of the performance and stand there staring at Mike French, stunned and drolling (white t-shirt).
The monster had one job, right?
Anyway, then the coffins opened and the sexy devil girls appeared. The monster wandered off searching for the shiny object, so there was no one to stop the devil girls or the new Mike French fan from causing trouble. At this point, the DCA percussion judges put down their pencils. They had seen enough.
Alas, the Devil Girls were supposed to dance among the drummers. Instead, they kissed each other and charged the DCA judge’s table. They tried to bite the judges on the neck during our performance!! I kid you not.
Legal counsel would never have agreed to this. Especially since nobody has bitten a DCA percussion judge on the neck during a show and gotten away with it since Joey Pero in 1998. Here’s the ugly scene…
So anyway, the devil girls went berserk and attacked the judges. Our performance was ruined, the drummers stopped drumming, the judges quit judging and fled into the forest. The DCA announcer tried to calm the crowd, but it was too late.
THE SCORE
Before he ran away, one DCA judge wrote down -73.6 on a piece of paper. So that was our official DCA score. Negative seventy-three point six.
Which is a higher score than Crunchy Frog got in 2004, but still.
There’s a drum corps lesson to be learned here.
Probably not.
**** 7 ***